We survived the terrible twos, the teenage years, AND got them successfully launched into adulthood. So why does this part feel harder?
Generation X parents pulled off something remarkable: we took our free-range, latchkey childhoods and decided to do the opposite. We showed up. We were involved. We gave them the emotional support we never had. We raised capable, independent adults who are absolutely crushing it out there. Gold star parenting.
The part nobody mentioned in the parenting books? Those wonderfully independent kids we raised have got boundaries now. Strong ones. The kind that come with rules about unsolicited advice, posting grandkid photos on social media, and dropping by unannounced.
Welcome to the empty nest, where you go from lead character to special guest star in about a decade, and where “let me know if you need anything!” is code for “please don’t actually tell me what to do.” It’s not the empty house that gets you; that part’s honestly peaceful now. It’s the profound loneliness of loving people deeply who seem to think of you rarely, of going from the most significant person in your children’s lives to someone whose presence is carefully rationed. If you’ve ever caught yourself waiting three days to text back so you don’t seem “too much,” or felt like you’re walking on eggshells with your adult children, you’re not alone.
An extended version of this article continues on Substack, where I write more fully about this experience.
https://drteresaobrien.substack.com/p/the-realities-of-the-empty-nest
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